I'm still smiling a bit. Last night, a good friend very gently said, "When is the last time you blogged?" To some that might be a trivial question; a simple question of curiosity. To me (from him) that is code for "Your crazy train is going too fast for the tracks and there are curves ahead, slow it down."
He and I share the beliefs that we all have a creative outlets--or we should. (By the way, if you haven't read any of Elizabeth Gilbert's work, do it. It will change your life.) Mine happens to be writing...and crafts...and a little bit of many things. I'm what Elizabeth Gilbert would call a hummingbird. Kind of a Attention Deficit Disorder of Passions. Well, certainly not how Gilbert classifies it, but I think it classifies it quite nicely--thank you very much! One of my biggest passions is writing--finding the humor in everyday life and writing about it. Sometimes that humor is amid the pain. O.k. often, but it is a creative and healing passion.
He wasn't the first friend to encourage that outlet this week. Another good friend did, as well. I guess it had finally sunk in. I was finally catching up to those around me.
So back to the conversation. I started naming off excuses as to why I haven't consistently written. He didn't say much--just listened. As I named, I thought to myself, "Wow, that was pretty stupid. Wow. That one is even more stupid. Is this the best thing you have?"
Finally, I owned it--to myself, anyway.
You see. I had written, but it wasn't as funny....witty...thought provoking...life changing as I thought it should be. I had been going through some family things. Some midlife things. Some yuck....and I couldn't find the humor. That is a dark place for me. The more I lived "the ick" (professional psychotherapy term...well, at least in my practice--and no, I'm not a counselor, nor do I play one on tv), the less I was able to see the humor in it. The less I was able to see the humor in it, the less I was interested in escaping to my creative outlet. The less I escaped, the faster the train went.
On some level I knew this, but denial, ah denial--the BFF to the driver of the crazy train. Denial, the one that is like the crazy friend that sat in the passenger side of the car when you were a teenager encouraging you to race the car next to you. You can take 'em. It will be fun. Well, it will be exciting, anyway. And, IF the train stays on the tracks then you will probably set the world record for taking curves as fast as you will be going. You will be FAMOUS! And if if doesn't, then...you won't. You will be dead.
So amidst some of the "ick" that is in my life, I am thankful for what I do have. One of those is people who truly care about me. Who challenge me. Who hold me accountable. Who give me code words for "slow down your crazy train." Who encourage me to take time off to play...create...live.
I hope everyone not only has people in their lives that do this for them, but also that they take time to do what gives them energy--positive energy. Life is busy, but never busy enough to create.
....maybe I should stay home from work and write all day? Maybe all week? Balance, you say? What does that word mean? ...and so goes my problem.
He and I share the beliefs that we all have a creative outlets--or we should. (By the way, if you haven't read any of Elizabeth Gilbert's work, do it. It will change your life.) Mine happens to be writing...and crafts...and a little bit of many things. I'm what Elizabeth Gilbert would call a hummingbird. Kind of a Attention Deficit Disorder of Passions. Well, certainly not how Gilbert classifies it, but I think it classifies it quite nicely--thank you very much! One of my biggest passions is writing--finding the humor in everyday life and writing about it. Sometimes that humor is amid the pain. O.k. often, but it is a creative and healing passion.
He wasn't the first friend to encourage that outlet this week. Another good friend did, as well. I guess it had finally sunk in. I was finally catching up to those around me.
So back to the conversation. I started naming off excuses as to why I haven't consistently written. He didn't say much--just listened. As I named, I thought to myself, "Wow, that was pretty stupid. Wow. That one is even more stupid. Is this the best thing you have?"
Finally, I owned it--to myself, anyway.
You see. I had written, but it wasn't as funny....witty...thought provoking...life changing as I thought it should be. I had been going through some family things. Some midlife things. Some yuck....and I couldn't find the humor. That is a dark place for me. The more I lived "the ick" (professional psychotherapy term...well, at least in my practice--and no, I'm not a counselor, nor do I play one on tv), the less I was able to see the humor in it. The less I was able to see the humor in it, the less I was interested in escaping to my creative outlet. The less I escaped, the faster the train went.
On some level I knew this, but denial, ah denial--the BFF to the driver of the crazy train. Denial, the one that is like the crazy friend that sat in the passenger side of the car when you were a teenager encouraging you to race the car next to you. You can take 'em. It will be fun. Well, it will be exciting, anyway. And, IF the train stays on the tracks then you will probably set the world record for taking curves as fast as you will be going. You will be FAMOUS! And if if doesn't, then...you won't. You will be dead.
So amidst some of the "ick" that is in my life, I am thankful for what I do have. One of those is people who truly care about me. Who challenge me. Who hold me accountable. Who give me code words for "slow down your crazy train." Who encourage me to take time off to play...create...live.
I hope everyone not only has people in their lives that do this for them, but also that they take time to do what gives them energy--positive energy. Life is busy, but never busy enough to create.
....maybe I should stay home from work and write all day? Maybe all week? Balance, you say? What does that word mean? ...and so goes my problem.