The reason I was outside was because was it a balmy 90 degrees outside at 8:30 tonight, but inside my house felt like 100. We just got back from a short trip, only to come home to an air conditioner that was not working. And, true confessions, all day, I pretty much had trouble "enjoying the now" because I continued to contemplate the question, "Who will find me when I pass out from heat stroke?" It was only 108 here today. One Word: Ugh.
As I know these are true first world problems, I had conversations with myself. "This really isn't as bad as you think. What if it is worse than you think? What if the whole unit needs to be replaced? What if it is only Freon? How expensive is freon? What if it is really expensive? What am I going to do?" I was definitely on the Anxiety Hamster wheel. I was living the moment, and, at the moment--I. Was. A. Hamster. And like Forrest Gump--I. Was. Ruuuunnning.
Now, I admit, some would say, that isn't living in the moment, but for me...it was real. And it was real right then.
I'm sure to lighten the mood, said teenage son started a banter about women vs. men. Let's just say, that got my mind off the hamster wheel quickly, as I couldn't believe he was raised by a mom who can just about do anything she sets her mind to do--with the help of Google, YouTube, and Duct Tape, of course. O.k. and sometimes a checkbook! :D
And then...the phone rang. I answered. A friend. We laughed. We talked. We laughed some more.
As I got off the phone, I thought about the other impromptu conversations that I have had over the last week. I don't know if there were more than usual, or that I had just enjoyed them more than usual. Those unplanned calls (either inbound or outbound) had given me such insight, laughter, and "real" times that only can be shared by those who care about me--and vice versa. The spontaneous call and subsequent "shopping" trip that I took with a friend to process "aha" moment that I had --included some laughs, some tears, and a whole lot of realness. The impromptu call from an out-of-town friend, who I don't talk to nearly enough, but when we do, it is like we talked yesterday. The spur-of-the-moment call from another friend which ended in side splitting laughter. A spontaneous call from another friend to tell me a story that led to honest conversation and incredible laughs. An out-of-the blue call from a friend to see if I was coming to an event this week, because he was trying to get his table lined up.
As I sat with my feet in the pool, I got irritated with myself. All day, I had wished I was somewhere else; yes, preferably with air conditioning. And yes, at one point, I thought, this is why I need a husband. I hate dealing with this kind of stuff! Everything is breaking! I'm selling everything and moving into a studio apartment--or I'm going on Tinder. I don't know which!! This is man's stuff.. Wait! Oh my gosh, I was turning into my chauvinistic son?
Then, I stopped. Our dog was barking at our neighbor's cat--that was meowing. My son said between the giggles, " Have you decided I was right about men and women?" And as I'm deaf in one ear from my autoimmune disease, and always concerned I will lose hearing in my other ear. I smiled and thought, "Enjoy the moment. Enjoy that you can hear the sounds of things wanting your attention. Enjoy that you can hear laughter either in person or on the phone. Enjoy that people are a phone call away. Enjoy the pure joy of hearing a voice, a laugh, the realness of life -- that is what you are thankful for."
And then, in the peacefulness of a hot summer evening, I realized, "I like this moment. In the heat of the summer. With the warmth of a child's love and friendships that get me through the days. I'm lucky. Right here. Right now. I enjoy this moment"
NAMAST'AY right here.