When I got divorced, I never thought Holidays could be harder. Well, I was wrong. Now with one of my children not willing to have a conversation with me, they are more difficult. Life is more difficult.
I don't mean to whine. I have plenty of good things in my life; I am blessed. But like all of us non-Disney humans, we have pain. (Shoot, even Disney stories have pain. )
Life isn't how it was planned. An expectation was set early on: Married. Kids. Job. Life. 24/7 Happiness. Please everyone. Endless Energy. Achieve Much. Let Nobody Down. Period. The End.
One thing I'm thankful for is friends. Especially friends who take the time to check-in when they know there is a tough time for me coming up, many times without me saying a word. They just know. Friends who tolerate my "crazy" more at those times--and gently call me on it. Friends who lighten the load of expectations on me and pick up slack just because they want to. Friends who listen to me cry and help me laugh. They sit with me in that dark place and just say "me too." I get where you are. ...Brene Brown would call these 'marble jar' moments--the times real conversations take place, and one can add a trust marble into a jar.
I'm rambling a bit. I apologize. Just know that we all have our hurt, but we all have things for which we can be thankful. Gently embrace (don't smother) the ones we treasure. The ones that bring us hurt will either be back--or they won't. It's their journey...don't get in the way of it with your expectations. That only builds resentment, anger, and hurt.
Finding the things that brings us refuge--that's your journey. Namaste.