After a really emotional week for a lot of reasons, I'm baaaackk. Sometimes life knows how to pack the one-two punch, but as I have thought about the last couple of days as I was lying in bed with my body saying "lupus flare--I'm not moving" but my mind saying "lupus flare--let's get on the hamster wheel," here I sit. Thinking. Digesting. Repurposing.
I had been fighting a lupus flare for the last couple of weeks, I think. I just kept pushing because the proverbial s%!t needed to get done, get over, etc. (pick the term...the outcome was the same.) It's probably a cause and effect. Not only was the emotional stuff there, the more emotional stuff I had the more I tried to bury it with physical stuff. It's the perfect time to take on new projects and physically move more--after all, it numbs the emotional pain. At least for a little while. Until, I am so sick, I'm in bed. Crying from pain.
Yesterday, I got meds....and started taking them. Definitely a two-step process for me. I hate medication. But within 8-9 hours of starting, I think to myself why did you wait so long? Such an ugly internal battle. It is at this point that I realize how badly I felt, but like emotions, I have tuned it out. Forged on. Moved ahead. Isn't that what strong, independent, can handle anything people do? Yes. Until they don't. Until they can't.
One of my aha moments this past couple days was the amount of energy I use on others. Figuring out what they need. It's exhausting. Probably an outcome of a lot of narcissistic people in my life, and becoming a straight A co-dependent. I'm actually becoming a C student, with my goal to fail the class. But it is a lot of work. For some (ok me), it is as hard as failing PE. I have to intentionally not "dress out" and play the games. I'm working on it.
So, it's Monday. Feeling better than I have in over a month, probably 2. Time to look at the week. Figure out (realistically) what I should do, can do, and most of all want to do. Time to re-envision, re-purpose, and re-use (o,k. maybe just use) my energy to do what is good for me--not others. Who knew Monday was like the other furniture projects I have going. I wonder how Monday will look with Annie Sloan Chalk Paint on it? I'm thinking Antibes Green? How about Provence? That would look good with Lupus Awarenesss Purple!
Happy Monday!
I had been fighting a lupus flare for the last couple of weeks, I think. I just kept pushing because the proverbial s%!t needed to get done, get over, etc. (pick the term...the outcome was the same.) It's probably a cause and effect. Not only was the emotional stuff there, the more emotional stuff I had the more I tried to bury it with physical stuff. It's the perfect time to take on new projects and physically move more--after all, it numbs the emotional pain. At least for a little while. Until, I am so sick, I'm in bed. Crying from pain.
Yesterday, I got meds....and started taking them. Definitely a two-step process for me. I hate medication. But within 8-9 hours of starting, I think to myself why did you wait so long? Such an ugly internal battle. It is at this point that I realize how badly I felt, but like emotions, I have tuned it out. Forged on. Moved ahead. Isn't that what strong, independent, can handle anything people do? Yes. Until they don't. Until they can't.
One of my aha moments this past couple days was the amount of energy I use on others. Figuring out what they need. It's exhausting. Probably an outcome of a lot of narcissistic people in my life, and becoming a straight A co-dependent. I'm actually becoming a C student, with my goal to fail the class. But it is a lot of work. For some (ok me), it is as hard as failing PE. I have to intentionally not "dress out" and play the games. I'm working on it.
So, it's Monday. Feeling better than I have in over a month, probably 2. Time to look at the week. Figure out (realistically) what I should do, can do, and most of all want to do. Time to re-envision, re-purpose, and re-use (o,k. maybe just use) my energy to do what is good for me--not others. Who knew Monday was like the other furniture projects I have going. I wonder how Monday will look with Annie Sloan Chalk Paint on it? I'm thinking Antibes Green? How about Provence? That would look good with Lupus Awarenesss Purple!
Happy Monday!