"There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to talk," said Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Recently, I have realized that this difference is more prevalent around me than I thought. Maybe because when someone doesn't listen, I have been known to go into SuperInfomercialLawyer mode. After throwning my cape, I go into the mode of putting on a closing statement over...and over...and over again. If you don't listen to what I'm trying to say, then wait, there's more. Don't listen now, and I will offer 6 more arguments. Still not convinced that I'm right, I'll find an article to prove it. But you don't want to hear, no worries. If you shut me down in the next five minutes, I will try to re-explain it again. Salient points...bulleted in an email.
It. Is. Exhausting. ...for everyone, I'm sure.
This is ESPECIALLY true in business for me. Given my upbringing, I have spent my life anticipating challenges for others and making things right. I'm a fixer--only not only do I fix after a problem has occurred--I fix before it has happened. I'm the worst kind. The most exhausting kind--an overachiever fixer. My ex-husband used to say, "You don't overreact; you early react."
Now, I'm not saying I know everything, because there is plenty that I don't know. But for the stuff I'm pretty sure about and am willing to go into SuperInfomercialLawyer mode about, my "right" track record is pretty accurate. So, why is it that I have to argue?
And then it hit me--it was the game changer! I am not responsible for other people's actions. Why do I care if someone listens to me? Maybe people don't want to hear the facts as I see them. Maybe someone has different facts, and for whatever reason, they don't want to see/hear my facts. Too painful. Too insecure. Different goal. Pick one.
A friend often quotes a favorite college professor, "The level of my expertise is limited to level of your understanding." When I first heard it, I thought, "What a pompous ass." It, however, is true. If someone isn't willing or isn't able to understand, it really doesn't matter how much expertise someone has in an area. For example, my car mechanic could tell me how to change the transmission in my car. If I am neither capable, nor I don't want to hear because I DESPISE car stuff, then his level of explanation has the same net result. I hear Charlie Brown's teacher, "Waaa Waa Wa Waa Wa Waaaa."
Same is true for me. It's not personal. People just don't want to (or can't) hear. Life is too short to argue. Especially in business. I'll offer my opinion a couple different ways, and then everyone has their choice to do it whatever way to see fit.
I have hung up my cape of SuperInfomercialLawyer mode. I'm in retirement mode.
Recently, I have realized that this difference is more prevalent around me than I thought. Maybe because when someone doesn't listen, I have been known to go into SuperInfomercialLawyer mode. After throwning my cape, I go into the mode of putting on a closing statement over...and over...and over again. If you don't listen to what I'm trying to say, then wait, there's more. Don't listen now, and I will offer 6 more arguments. Still not convinced that I'm right, I'll find an article to prove it. But you don't want to hear, no worries. If you shut me down in the next five minutes, I will try to re-explain it again. Salient points...bulleted in an email.
It. Is. Exhausting. ...for everyone, I'm sure.
This is ESPECIALLY true in business for me. Given my upbringing, I have spent my life anticipating challenges for others and making things right. I'm a fixer--only not only do I fix after a problem has occurred--I fix before it has happened. I'm the worst kind. The most exhausting kind--an overachiever fixer. My ex-husband used to say, "You don't overreact; you early react."
Now, I'm not saying I know everything, because there is plenty that I don't know. But for the stuff I'm pretty sure about and am willing to go into SuperInfomercialLawyer mode about, my "right" track record is pretty accurate. So, why is it that I have to argue?
And then it hit me--it was the game changer! I am not responsible for other people's actions. Why do I care if someone listens to me? Maybe people don't want to hear the facts as I see them. Maybe someone has different facts, and for whatever reason, they don't want to see/hear my facts. Too painful. Too insecure. Different goal. Pick one.
A friend often quotes a favorite college professor, "The level of my expertise is limited to level of your understanding." When I first heard it, I thought, "What a pompous ass." It, however, is true. If someone isn't willing or isn't able to understand, it really doesn't matter how much expertise someone has in an area. For example, my car mechanic could tell me how to change the transmission in my car. If I am neither capable, nor I don't want to hear because I DESPISE car stuff, then his level of explanation has the same net result. I hear Charlie Brown's teacher, "Waaa Waa Wa Waa Wa Waaaa."
Same is true for me. It's not personal. People just don't want to (or can't) hear. Life is too short to argue. Especially in business. I'll offer my opinion a couple different ways, and then everyone has their choice to do it whatever way to see fit.
I have hung up my cape of SuperInfomercialLawyer mode. I'm in retirement mode.