Sometimes, the craziest things hit me. After going to Zumba this morning, I continued the Zumba dance party at home while I was cleaning. My poor dog; she just kept looking at me and tilting her head. I've scheduled puppy counseling for later this week. I digress.
Of course, even the dance/cleaning party wasn't enough to keep my mind from spinning. An emotional week for many reasons. After waking up after a good night's sleep, life looked brighter. I was thankful. ....and then it hit me somewhere amid Meghan Trainor's All About the Bass (ironic in so many ways...) and cleaning the stove--today was my second practice husband's wedding reception. My mind went nuts.
On some level (o.k., many levels), I knew that there was nobody that I wanted back in a relationship less than him. I knew that it didn't work for many reasons--on both sides of the proverbial aisle. I knew that it was time to move forward. Focus on the present. Focus on the future. But once again, I felt like the lone single in a Noah's Ark World. You know...where everybody goes two-by-two...and then there is me.
Now, I'm painting with a broad brush. I have single friends. Services like Match.com is full of others who are non-paired, but today was different. This was different. The emotions went fast and furious--I was mad. Sad. Laughing. Happy. Some would say...crazy. The faster that the emotions went...the more my dance party was on fire....the more my poor dog's head tilted from side to side.
I danced, scrubbed harder, and sang at the top of my lungs trying to drown out the thoughts. It wasn't working. So, I grabbed my cup of tea, sat on the couch, and thought. No tears. No "wish things would be different." No what if's. Just focused on all the good things in my life. I have plenty, and that relationship was not one. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I try to put the proverbial lipstick on a pig. Yes, sometimes I wish life were different, but I am blessed.
So today I was going to be present. Present with what was good right in front of me. Present with the bad and mixed-up feelings. Present tonight when I go out (which I have to admit I had spent the first half of the dance party wondering if I could get out--without hurting feelings. It was a last minute dinner that I was having trouble figuring out how to last minute flake).
I'm not sure how many songs passed, and then I found myself again singing with Meghan. This time with the lyrics "You gotta treat me like a lady. Even when I'm acting crazy. Tell me everything's alright." How ironic...right here among my crazy. And while I would be happy to have that special someone tell me everything's alright, I am slowly learning that I know everything's alright. My crazy is my crazy, and it probably won't change. Love me and my hamster wheel--or leave it. I'll be just fine.
So to my "Dear Future Husband" that Meghan so aptly sings about...."I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey). Open doors for me..and you might get some... kisses....future husband, better love me right."
Off to call the dog therapist and dog chiropractor. I know her neck is sore.
Of course, even the dance/cleaning party wasn't enough to keep my mind from spinning. An emotional week for many reasons. After waking up after a good night's sleep, life looked brighter. I was thankful. ....and then it hit me somewhere amid Meghan Trainor's All About the Bass (ironic in so many ways...) and cleaning the stove--today was my second practice husband's wedding reception. My mind went nuts.
On some level (o.k., many levels), I knew that there was nobody that I wanted back in a relationship less than him. I knew that it didn't work for many reasons--on both sides of the proverbial aisle. I knew that it was time to move forward. Focus on the present. Focus on the future. But once again, I felt like the lone single in a Noah's Ark World. You know...where everybody goes two-by-two...and then there is me.
Now, I'm painting with a broad brush. I have single friends. Services like Match.com is full of others who are non-paired, but today was different. This was different. The emotions went fast and furious--I was mad. Sad. Laughing. Happy. Some would say...crazy. The faster that the emotions went...the more my dance party was on fire....the more my poor dog's head tilted from side to side.
I danced, scrubbed harder, and sang at the top of my lungs trying to drown out the thoughts. It wasn't working. So, I grabbed my cup of tea, sat on the couch, and thought. No tears. No "wish things would be different." No what if's. Just focused on all the good things in my life. I have plenty, and that relationship was not one. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I try to put the proverbial lipstick on a pig. Yes, sometimes I wish life were different, but I am blessed.
So today I was going to be present. Present with what was good right in front of me. Present with the bad and mixed-up feelings. Present tonight when I go out (which I have to admit I had spent the first half of the dance party wondering if I could get out--without hurting feelings. It was a last minute dinner that I was having trouble figuring out how to last minute flake).
I'm not sure how many songs passed, and then I found myself again singing with Meghan. This time with the lyrics "You gotta treat me like a lady. Even when I'm acting crazy. Tell me everything's alright." How ironic...right here among my crazy. And while I would be happy to have that special someone tell me everything's alright, I am slowly learning that I know everything's alright. My crazy is my crazy, and it probably won't change. Love me and my hamster wheel--or leave it. I'll be just fine.
So to my "Dear Future Husband" that Meghan so aptly sings about...."I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey). Open doors for me..and you might get some... kisses....future husband, better love me right."
Off to call the dog therapist and dog chiropractor. I know her neck is sore.