Now, I'm told that because I played Pong as a kid, it does not make me a "gamer." Well, whatever, but Oh. My. Gosh. I don't understand why anybody wants to play video games, let alone watch people who play them. But whatever.
Short story: I am in the wrong damn business.
I was chatting with a friend about my amazement, and he suggested that I create a game for people like me. Shitstirrer (as I'll call call him--or SS for short) just might be on to something. And so was born the concept of Menopause: The Game.
The basic premise of the game is to avoid "types" of people while maneuvering life. For each game, a player can select two types of "villains." Because like in real life, middle-aged female minds can change about the 'people' that they most want to avoid, each player picks her own --and yes, a player can change "villains" in the middle of the game. Yesterday, mine would have definitely been parents and ex-husbands. Other choices include: passive-aggressive colleagues, all-knowing/eye-rolling teenagers, all-knowing/condescending men, creepy online male daters, repair men (of all kinds house/car/yard) that think women don't have a brain in their head, skinny personal trainers, etc.
The object of the game is to get through events or "opportunities" (because that word sound so much nicer than problems) posed by life. Each time a player gets through things like home repair, flat tires, needing to be 3 places at once, car repair, car maintenance, an online date, yard sales, teaching your children to drive, kid graduating from high school, paying for college, watching you child enlist in the military, a blind date, etc., the player advances to the next level.
For each "life event," the player get points. Of course, the player gets bonus points when the game randomly selects "challenges" to make the life events more difficult. These challenges include: unexpected hot flashes, illogical emotional outbursts, sleepless nights, weight gain for no reason, tears for what appears to be no reason, etc.
On each level, a player will be approached by one male (of random ages) who says, "I'm not really sure what is wrong with you, but have you thought about going to the doctor?" As such, you have one opportunity to hit the right toggle and the left button (depending on the game platform you are on) to kick his ass off the mountain. If you miss the one chance, he will follow you until you get to the next level. The bad news is, if he follows you, he will continuously repeat the following statements: "I think you are overreacting. Have you thought about going to the doctor. Please stop overthinking things. I know you say you can't, but try. Please, for me? Actually, for the benefit of everyone around you. I know you feel sad, but there are worse things in life. Please. Stop. Crying. Don't yell at me. I'm just trying to help. What is wrong with you? You were just laughing and now you are screaming."
So while the game is still in the development/testing stage, watch for the upcoming release of Menopause: The Game soon. We believe it will be ready just in time for last-minute, frantic, holiday shopping. If playing video games is not your thing, no worries contract negotiations with Twitch.tv have ensued, so you can watch thousands of others play it online. (Some exclusions apply.)
Preliminary rating: PG-13 for language.
Created by: SS and MACW*
*Middle Aged Cranky Woman