I was the kind of kid that conformed to my parents’ wishes and grew up conforming to others’ wishes. Some call that a co-dependent. That sounds so negative. I like to think of it as here to help others in their journey. Sounds so much better, doesn’t it? Fine! Co-dependent. I own it.
As I have gone through this journey, I have had to learn who I am (sounds so New Age, huh? At least the tapes I hear in my head... Find myself) and live a life for me and only me.Some people call it the rebellion stage.
Many times this "stage" comes as teenagers or early twenties. For others of us who are late bloomers (or conformists or pleasers)…it comes later. And, speaking from a middle age female’s perspective, there is a term for it when you go through it WITH your teenagers. That term: sucks! (My favorite technical term that sums up so many important emotions.
Anyway, so part of my rebellion is: I want a tattoo. I’m a middle-aged, professional, single woman, and I want a tattoo. I have been thinking about this for nearly 6 months. Friends smile and quickly say, “Well, get one.”
Simple enough, right?
And thus, where the problem starts. I’m a researcher by day (not in the true title, but I am one that researches, categorizes, systematizes, etc.). This “need” (and yes, it is a need. Truly a need) to gather data, analyze, and determine the correct course of action plays real havoc with my rebellion stage, especially with things like tattoos.
Part of my brain says "get one." The other part says Great! Sounds good. What do I get? Where do I get it? Should I get it where others can’t see it? If so, why am I getting it? Would it be something different if others could see it? Should it mean something? If so, what? (Yea, it’s a busy place in my head!)
I mean, after all, life didn’t end up like I thought it would. For instance, thank goodness I didn’t get my first practice husband’s name tattooed on me. I would have had to just do a big cross-out…and put my second practice husband’s name underneath. And then, I’m not sure that I’m making that walk down the aisle again, so could the next line have a name and then just a “Shack Up Man” or “Partner” or “Companion” next to it? How do you differentiate? Would you italicize and footnote the next name, so that the list would be all names but the footnote of the last would be the appropriate non-practice husband title? Or what would it look like with just two men’s names crossed out if the next never came? See, it's a good thing I didn't decide I wanted a tattoo early in my adult life...life didn't happen like I planned.
“Just get one. Decide Already!” But, as I tell my friends who have been on this journey with me, tattoos are so.......permanent. To which they usually say things that I shall not write here because the reader would probably think I was some sort of crazy woman. Oh wait!
Anyway, I think I’m close in answering many of my questions. Probably only another 18 months of overthinking (I mean analyzing. I mean gathering data).. My kids will be closer to being out of the rebellion stage, and I can go through the journey alone. It will be much more peaceful.
As I have gone through this journey, I have had to learn who I am (sounds so New Age, huh? At least the tapes I hear in my head... Find myself) and live a life for me and only me.Some people call it the rebellion stage.
Many times this "stage" comes as teenagers or early twenties. For others of us who are late bloomers (or conformists or pleasers)…it comes later. And, speaking from a middle age female’s perspective, there is a term for it when you go through it WITH your teenagers. That term: sucks! (My favorite technical term that sums up so many important emotions.
Anyway, so part of my rebellion is: I want a tattoo. I’m a middle-aged, professional, single woman, and I want a tattoo. I have been thinking about this for nearly 6 months. Friends smile and quickly say, “Well, get one.”
Simple enough, right?
And thus, where the problem starts. I’m a researcher by day (not in the true title, but I am one that researches, categorizes, systematizes, etc.). This “need” (and yes, it is a need. Truly a need) to gather data, analyze, and determine the correct course of action plays real havoc with my rebellion stage, especially with things like tattoos.
Part of my brain says "get one." The other part says Great! Sounds good. What do I get? Where do I get it? Should I get it where others can’t see it? If so, why am I getting it? Would it be something different if others could see it? Should it mean something? If so, what? (Yea, it’s a busy place in my head!)
I mean, after all, life didn’t end up like I thought it would. For instance, thank goodness I didn’t get my first practice husband’s name tattooed on me. I would have had to just do a big cross-out…and put my second practice husband’s name underneath. And then, I’m not sure that I’m making that walk down the aisle again, so could the next line have a name and then just a “Shack Up Man” or “Partner” or “Companion” next to it? How do you differentiate? Would you italicize and footnote the next name, so that the list would be all names but the footnote of the last would be the appropriate non-practice husband title? Or what would it look like with just two men’s names crossed out if the next never came? See, it's a good thing I didn't decide I wanted a tattoo early in my adult life...life didn't happen like I planned.
“Just get one. Decide Already!” But, as I tell my friends who have been on this journey with me, tattoos are so.......permanent. To which they usually say things that I shall not write here because the reader would probably think I was some sort of crazy woman. Oh wait!
Anyway, I think I’m close in answering many of my questions. Probably only another 18 months of overthinking (I mean analyzing. I mean gathering data).. My kids will be closer to being out of the rebellion stage, and I can go through the journey alone. It will be much more peaceful.